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Humor: Orrin Woodward on Randy and Val Haugen

August 5, 2008

March 31, 2009: Update: Randy and Val Haugen have left TEAM to form their own System called Legacy Business Group.

Orrin posted a new entry about new Black Diamonds Randy and Val Haugen on his personal blog today, and I thought I would run it through the Orrin Woodward Translation program:

Disclaimer: This translation from Orrin’s own words is a work of pure fiction.

Randy and Val Haugen are building one of the most profitable MonaVie Black Diamond businesses in the country.

Randy and Val were successful in moving much of their Amway/Quixtar downline over to MonaVie so that they could go Black Diamond in just a few months. I still got them beat as the quickest to go Black Diamond though! And no, I did not entice any of my former Amway downline to join me in this great new purple venture. I built my Black Diamondship from scratch, I tell you! I’ll sign every one of Dallin Larsen’s Usana stock certificates as proof of my sincerity!

Laurie and I are so proud of them for stepping up to the plate and swinging for the fences. It is magical to dream big and it is courageous to dream big long.

Laurie and I are so happy that they opted out of their contract with Amway and joined us at MonaVie and TEAM. After all, as the Supreme TEAM Leader, I get a cut of every tape their downline listens to, every book they read, and every function they attend.

The Haugen’s are building depth, building relationships and building volume. The sky is the limit for these true living legends in the community building industry. Randy and Val are living proof that dreams do come true for those who persist in a worthy endeavor.

Did you know that the Haugen’s were once Diamonds in Amway? Ask anyone who’s still left from their group about them. They are like Dexter and Birdie reincarnated — not that old Dex has kicked the bucket! Did I mention that I was in Amway once before? Dude, they have a name for me there in Grand Rapids. I. Am. Legend.

All said, in the immortal words of Mark McGwire, “I’m not here to talk about the past.”

I personally believe that Randy is one of the best all-time at helping people catch the dream of a new lifestyle.

Randy is one of the all-time best dreamweavers, but he’s gotta be one of the all-time worst at helping people actually achieve their dreams. I mean, do you how many of his downline have achieved their dreams? Good ole Randall has got a big long way to go before he even reaches the Mendoza Line in that department.

But hey, let’s focus on the positive now, okay? At least his downline have a dream!

No one can cast a dream of a better tomorrow any better than Randy Haugen.

Except me.

Val is one of the strongest emotionally intelligent leaders on the entire Team. I have seen her handle major issues with uncommon grace and class.

Examples of major issues include what dress to wear to the next function and deciding from where they will buy shampoo, makeup, vitamins, toilet paper, energy drinks, and other consumables now that they are no longer in Amquix IBOs.

Randy and Val have earned their success by staying focused on their dreams and having an incredible attitude in serving others.

He’s great at serving other things too, like lawsuits. Just ask Amway about Proctor and Gamble and the Satanism rumor that Randy started forwarded on Amvox! Randy swears to this day — on no less than Hal Gooch’s baboon video — that he really didn’t mean it, and you know what? I believe him… so as long as his downline keep buying my tapes, books, and attend my functions!

[In the comments below, Scott Larsen from Amquix.info points out that Randy only forwarded the Amvox message and did not originally start it. You see, he was telling the truth!]

I am convinced that we will see many more Black Diamonds coming out of their incredible team. I encourage everyone to set their goals and be part of the first 25 Black Diamonds on the MonaVie Team.

I got goals too! If 25 of you become Black Diamonds, I get to be a Uranium Diamond in MonaVie! Dallin’s going to buy me my own country for that!

What if I’m wrong? Man, I am never, ever, ever wrong. Oh, that part about Amway/Quixtar being the best business opportunity ever? Do you have me on record as having ever said that? See, I told you so. Onward to one million members? Good luck finding me saying that on Google.

God Bless, Orrin Woodward

If you don’t love Jesus and vote Republican, I will personally make sure you never succeed in this business.

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22 Comments leave one →
  1. August 6, 2008 8:20 am

    This is why A/Q has the non-compete/non-solicitation rule, to minimize this type of thing happening. Chances are statistically good that MV will fold in a couple of years, and all of these former IBO’s will be left in the cold, not to mention the upline of these former IBO’s who put a lot of time, effort, and money into building the groups in the first place. As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t think the rule should apply to lower level IBO’s, but certainly for higher level ones. It could even be gradually applied, longer times for higher pins achieved.

  2. August 6, 2008 8:58 am

    Why so serious, Tex? Admit you got a chuckle out of this post!

  3. From Outside permalink
    August 6, 2008 9:15 am

    I loved your post! I’ve been following Orrin’s posts since they come thru on the Google Alerts.

    We saw him at the MV Orlando Regional and he was very rude to us since we are not on the TEAM.

    I think he’s a snake and cannot believe Dallin wants to jeopardize the integrity of MonaVie by taking on this individual regardless of how many people he can bring over.

    Forbes recently profiled him too:

    http://www.mlmblog.net/2008/07/forbes-profiles.html

  4. Joecool permalink
    August 6, 2008 10:30 am

    Even if Mona Vie closes down, they will just move the group to another MLM. The real business is selling BSM, not products.

    Don’t you get that by now Tex?

  5. August 6, 2008 11:28 am

    Actually Randy did not start the rumor in 1995. It was started years before in the 19080’s. Someone in his downline posted it on Amvox and he forwarded it on. Here is a copy in .mp3.

    [audio src="http://www.amquix.info/sounds/Haugen_PG_Amvox_all.mp3" /]

  6. August 6, 2008 12:48 pm

    Amthrax,

    It was very entertaining, but there’s a very real and serious side to this story as well, which may get lost in the mix if all we do is chuckle about it.

    Joecool,

    I think following Orrin the first time was one thing, a second time probably wouldn’t go over as well, especially since MV probably won’t help the Orrinites rally around him if they get shut down.

    Gee Joecool, is selling BSM the real business? Please explain. :)

  7. August 6, 2008 12:49 pm

    Scott – Thank you for the clarification. I have updated the post with some additional comments.

    Tex – there’s plenty of other stuff on this site and others which take a serious look at aspects I make light of in the story. Glad you found it entertaining.

  8. August 6, 2008 12:57 pm

    scott larsen,

    I think it is more accurate to say Randy thought it was a new rumor when he heard it on his Amvox, and then forwarded the message to tens of thousands of other IBO’s.

    I doubt Randy realized this was a rumor that started years before.

    It is interesting to note this message was in 1995, which is the same year Don Wilson said his business maxed out.

  9. August 6, 2008 1:47 pm

    Speaking of MV, looks like Newsweek is now piling on: http://www.newsweek.com/id/150499

  10. August 6, 2008 2:42 pm

    Here’s Brig Hart’s tool site, the tool scam is alive and well in MV: http://www.r3global.com/

  11. Joecool permalink
    August 6, 2008 3:41 pm

    Look like an amway/quixtar sequuel.

  12. Notachance permalink
    October 7, 2008 1:59 pm

    It’s so sad that you guys have to be negative towards someone else. This is MLM soap opera! I made sh** in Quixtar and $$ in MV!! I am my own person with my own brain, I don’t need to have someone make choices for me, but I do like the ideas that some have come up with. Orrin has only made things more profitable for everyone. Randy is human and make mistakes, but he has what is accomplishable! So, try it! He lost $ for 13 years with quixtar and didn’t want to lose his dream.
    I you don’t do MV, good luck in your venture. I don’t put down any businesses, it’s up to yourself to succeed and it take true character to put up with these kind of web blogs and still push forward.
    Good luck to all of you. It’s not a race ~ Orrin has better values than Dexter and Birdie…. The whole TEAM makes money with the system as well, so they are just luckier to have a system. I built my business based on the system income before joining MV, so can’t put that down, it’s $$ for all!

  13. April 15, 2009 5:02 pm

    Notachance: Are you now with Legacy Business Group and the Haugens or are you still affiliated with TEAM and the Woodwards?

  14. Marcus Haynesworth permalink
    July 24, 2009 7:30 am

    Alot of redirect in here I see. Orrin Woodward and TEAM are the poster people for integrity and character. Dallin Larsen didn’t become the Entrepreneur of the Year by making bad decisions and MonaVie didn’t become the succesful company it did by making bad decisions. The addition of TEAM has done nothing but enhance the integrity of MonaVie. On TEAM it’s people first, just like Dallin proclaims!

  15. built permalink
    October 6, 2009 7:28 pm

    I have compared “team” BSM to the cost of “Legacy” BSM. I am amazed at how much money team makes off the tools as compared to Legacy…for example I attended a Legacy seminar for $5 as compared to a seminar from team I attended for $25 Got pretty much the same message for a better value. And tam’s web site for $19.95 a month vs. Legacy’s at $36.00 a year…..you tell me..who is more “honest” about the real business?

  16. ex friend permalink
    April 6, 2011 1:24 pm

    Do not trust Randy

  17. Speak Your Truth permalink
    April 6, 2011 1:54 pm

    ex friend
    Could you share more of your story?

  18. webelieved permalink
    April 6, 2011 5:30 pm

    I bet if Marcus read all the posts here, he wouldn’t think this way. LOL. It is an old post.

  19. webelieved permalink
    April 6, 2011 5:31 pm

    exfriend, Yes please share your story……

  20. Uncle Scrooge permalink
    August 17, 2012 2:50 pm

    “August 6, 2008 8:20 am

    This is why A/Q has the non-compete/non-solicitation rule, to minimize this type of thing happening. Chances are statistically good that MV will fold in a couple of years”

    …or go over 2 billion dollars in their 7th year, or make an millionaire on average every 24 days during those 7 years. I prefer those statistically good chances.

Trackbacks

  1. Orrin really wants you to be Republican and Christian « Amthrax
  2. Leaving Team and Orrin Woodward « Amthrax

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