Humor: Orrin Woodward on Randy and Val Haugen
March 31, 2009: Update: Randy and Val Haugen have left TEAM to form their own System called Legacy Business Group.
Disclaimer: This translation from Orrin’s own words is a work of pure fiction.
Randy and Val Haugen are building one of the most profitable MonaVie Black Diamond businesses in the country.
Randy and Val were successful in moving much of their Amway/Quixtar downline over to MonaVie so that they could go Black Diamond in just a few months. I still got them beat as the quickest to go Black Diamond though! And no, I did not entice any of my former Amway downline to join me in this great new purple venture. I built my Black Diamondship from scratch, I tell you! I’ll sign every one of Dallin Larsen’s Usana stock certificates as proof of my sincerity!
Laurie and I are so proud of them for stepping up to the plate and swinging for the fences. It is magical to dream big and it is courageous to dream big long.
Laurie and I are so happy that they opted out of their contract with Amway and joined us at MonaVie and TEAM. After all, as the Supreme TEAM Leader, I get a cut of every tape their downline listens to, every book they read, and every function they attend.
The Haugen’s are building depth, building relationships and building volume. The sky is the limit for these true living legends in the community building industry. Randy and Val are living proof that dreams do come true for those who persist in a worthy endeavor.
Did you know that the Haugen’s were once Diamonds in Amway? Ask anyone who’s still left from their group about them. They are like Dexter and Birdie reincarnated — not that old Dex has kicked the bucket! Did I mention that I was in Amway once before? Dude, they have a name for me there in Grand Rapids. I. Am. Legend.
All said, in the immortal words of Mark McGwire, “I’m not here to talk about the past.”
I personally believe that Randy is one of the best all-time at helping people catch the dream of a new lifestyle.
Randy is one of the all-time best dreamweavers, but he’s gotta be one of the all-time worst at helping people actually achieve their dreams. I mean, do you how many of his downline have achieved their dreams? Good ole Randall has got a big long way to go before he even reaches the Mendoza Line in that department.
But hey, let’s focus on the positive now, okay? At least his downline have a dream!
No one can cast a dream of a better tomorrow any better than Randy Haugen.
Val is one of the strongest emotionally intelligent leaders on the entire Team. I have seen her handle major issues with uncommon grace and class.
Examples of major issues include what dress to wear to the next function and deciding from where they will buy shampoo, makeup, vitamins, toilet paper, energy drinks, and other consumables now that they are no longer in Amquix IBOs.
Randy and Val have earned their success by staying focused on their dreams and having an incredible attitude in serving others.
He’s great at serving other things too, like lawsuits. Just ask Amway about Proctor and Gamble and the Satanism rumor that Randy
started forwarded on Amvox! Randy swears to this day — on no less than Hal Gooch’s baboon video — that he really didn’t mean it, and you know what? I believe him… so as long as his downline keep buying my tapes, books, and attend my functions!
[In the comments below, Scott Larsen from Amquix.info points out that Randy only forwarded the Amvox message and did not originally start it. You see, he was telling the truth!]
I am convinced that we will see many more Black Diamonds coming out of their incredible team. I encourage everyone to set their goals and be part of the first 25 Black Diamonds on the MonaVie Team.
I got goals too! If 25 of you become Black Diamonds, I get to be a Uranium Diamond in MonaVie! Dallin’s going to buy me my own country for that!
What if I’m wrong? Man, I am never, ever, ever wrong. Oh, that part about Amway/Quixtar being the best business opportunity ever? Do you have me on record as having ever said that? See, I told you so. Onward to one million members? Good luck finding me saying that on Google.
God Bless, Orrin Woodward
If you don’t love Jesus and vote Republican, I will personally make sure you never succeed in this business.